Learning to identify and cope with your emotional triggers is vital to a healthy second marriage. Recognizing the triggers that provoke extreme responses will lessen the risk of sabotaging your marriage by withdrawing or issuing ultimatums, such as threatening divorce.
The post 5 Ways to Cope With Emotional Triggers After Remarriage appeared first on Divorce Magazine.
It’s really normal to not enjoy your emotional triggers – after all, they are painful!
Nearly all of us were told to “think about something else” and try to distract ourselves from them.
However, after experiencing the extreme trauma of abuse and toxic relationships, it’s not that simple to do.
Many of us, myself included, have had the absolute breakdown experience of so many crippling emotional triggers that life simply can’t go on as it used to.
This is why it is my absolute pleasure to share with you exactly how I deal with my triggers, so that I can inspire you to come up and out of pain, and be delivered to the other side too!
Today I want to deeply share with you how I deal with my emotional triggers.
And this is really important because it is our triggers, which are handing us our salvation.
Mind you, it took me decades of pain to work this out. Before then, as a result of trying to avoid my triggers, I was forever stuck in emotional fear, pain and reaction and the ongoing traumatising events that were my life.
Thank goodness I discovered that there is a completely different way to deal with this! A way that works, and it is my absolute joy to share that with you today.
But before I do, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t as yet done so, please do. And, if you enjoy this video, please make sure you give it a thumbs up.
Okay, let’s dive into today’s episode!
Human conditioning has taught us to try to ignore and escape any painful emotional trigger. Meaning if we feel dense or painful energy inside our body, to try to do everything possible to get away from that feeling.
Many of us had the messages, since being very young of, “Try not to think about it!” Or we were talked out of our bad feelings, by people who also were experts at talking themselves out of their own bad feelings, and therefore did not have the capacity to validate ours.
Yet, we know that when we are told to ignore what we feel or to pick up some distraction, or what we are feeling isn’t true for us, that this doesn’t feel good.
Life experience has also shown us that the inner bad feelings usually keep coming back.
It’s so interesting now when I introduce people to the Thriver Way to heal for real from abuse, they may initially feel horrified about turning inwards to self-partner and meet their feelings.
And why wouldn’t they, after being indoctrinated into believing that emotional triggers should be avoided at all cost!
Even Law of Attraction principles declare that the way through to a happy and healthy life is to ignore the bad feelings and just focus on the good and try to create new neuropathways as a result of doing that.
Many of us, who tried gallantly to achieve this, found out that the painful triggers, that were often in repeat, didn’t go away no matter how hard we tried to think our way out of them.
And, what was extremely painful was that the triggers would often explode from inside of us at random times. They may have caused us to hand power away to other people because of being derailed emotionally. They may have caused us to lash out at people who we love simply because we were feeling overwhelmed within ourselves.
Also, they could make the creation, expansion, and solution of our life incredibly difficult for us because we are continually plagued by painful feelings that are taking up all our energy trying to survive them.
Then, of course, we have to come up with even more extreme strategies to try to escape the inner pain that is going off inside of us, especially after suffering the incredible trauma of narcissistic abuse.
When you are suffering the triggers of feeling anxiety, depression, powerlessness, helplessness, or even panic attacks, until you learn how to handle your triggers in a self-partnered way, you are susceptible to trying to find something outside of yourself to try to switch the trigger off.
This could mean that you go for food, cigarettes, alcohol, shopping, excessive device time, hooking up with people who hurt you, and all sorts of unhealthy and even desperate measures to try to get out of the pain.
It’s only when you get in your body and can be present healthily with your triggers that this can stop.
It wasn’t until I experienced my complete breakdown/breakthrough experience with narcissistic abuse, and being left with my shattered Inner Being, without any outer props left to go to, that I started to get a grasp on the truth of this.
I needed to turn inwards.
And so I did, with this declaration, “Inner Being I am here for you and I am never deserting you again”.
I realised my emotional triggers, which were the signals of my inner traumas, had become “my normal” but this was in no way natural. It’s not who I really was as my True Self.
It’s not our fault that we have had so many traumas impregnated into us from the outside – our past lives, our ancestors, childhoods, and the human collective experience of limiting painful beliefs about gender, age, race, religion or whatever it may be.
And of course, people who were dealing with their own extreme levels of trauma. Hurt people hurt people.
Trauma, sadly, is a part of the human experience. We have all been infected to some degree.
After being narcissistically abused the trauma within you is activated to such an extreme level that it reaches critical mass. At this point life simply cannot go on as normal, and it is virtually impossible to be able to cognitively think our way out of the pain.
Often, researching and learning all we can about abusers and our abuse symptoms will not ease it either.
When I turned inwards, I discovered so many painful fractures that were programmed beliefs and painful emotional experiences, in regard to myself, life and others.
The truth was I did not feel safe in my body, and this was the battle with anxiety, depression, and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
How on earth can we feel good in our body after experiencing significant trauma? How can we feel safe?
Even before I developed the profound inner healing tools of Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) to heal myself, I started to understand that rather than try to get relief from the outside, that the only true relief needed to be between me and myself.
I learnt to say to myself, “I bless and accept this feeling”.
I want you to imagine having an emotional trigger go off inside you, and rather than abandon yourself by trying to disconnect from it, or blaming yourself for having it, I want you to open your heart and breathe and say to yourself “I bless and accept this feeling”.
Now feel the effects of that in your body.
It would be usual for you to start feeling some relief because your Inner Being heaves a sigh of relief knowing that you have finally showed up for him or her.
The illusion is that your Inner Being has wanted something or somebody else to take away the pain, but your Inner Being has actually been waiting for you to turn inwards to self-partner and integrate and love him or her back to wholeness, all along.
Being willing to do this, and validate the feeling as being blessed and something that you accept starts to reverse all of those beliefs that we’ve taken on from our forebears – that our feelings are invalid and not deserving of our attention and love, which really means that we have been deemed invalid.
I hope you understand that your emotional inner state is Who You Are.
It’s where your entire life is being generated from. Hence, in order to get life right, this part of you requires your devotion and self-partnering.
You may think that I’m crazy by saying triggers are fantastic!
Yet, I know, 100% that they are.
I now know that all of my triggers are happening “for” me, and not “to” me. What I mean by this is when a trigger goes off inside of me, this is the signal that allows me to know that a part of me is not aligned with my desires, my True Self and my Soul’s True Destiny.
It’s like a GPS signal that is telling me I’m off course.
And I love this, even though once upon a time, of course, I detested it!
Since being aligned with my Thriver Life and having the profound Quantum Tool, Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) I’ve been supremely dedicated to addressing the triggers that arise within my Inner Being, and loading them up and releasing and freeing myself from them.
This has allowed me to release my subconscious from those old painful programs, and replace them with my superconscious self, which is my highest potential on any topic, by bringing that down into the space where the old trauma once was.
This system of healing, completely bypasses the mind which tries to work it all out (usually unsuccessfully) and creates a shift somatically in our visceral emotional centre, in such a way that it doesn’t have to be understood logically in order to be experienced.
What I discovered is that when the trigger is gone, a resounding peace replaces it.
And this “thing” that I’ve been struggling with, regarding myself, people, situations or events, starts to heal and resolve.
I also discovered that the most incredible synchronicities, opportunities, and even miracles start to appear that completely match the positive shift that I’ve just had in my body.
This I know with every ounce of my being; that the composition of our Inner Being is directly connected with all of the resources of life that are entering our experience, as our experience.
When we shift, it shifts.
When your Beingness is changed, you have changed. This is so much more effective than trying to think your way into a new way of Being.
My everyday experience, before self-partnering with my triggers, was trying to negate painful feelings in my body, with all sorts of personal development. This was only at best managing my still existing trauma, and not healing it.
And when my efforts would slip, my addictions would start to take over. All of this was exhausting, especially because I was still battling ferociously the evidence of my unhealed triggers that were coming to me via people and situations.
Since discovering and working with the truth about triggers – “I bless and accept you as a signal of something that I can shift, release and replace in order to go up to the next higher level of my True Self” my life experience has changed beyond description.
I hope you are really getting this.
Okay, once again, when imagining having a trigger going off inside, I want you to repeat the declaration after me. Let’s say this together … “I bless and accept you as a signal of something that I can shift, release and replace in order to go up to the next higher level of my True Self”.
How does that feel in your body?
Does it feel like relief? Does it feel like truth?
I want you to pause this video and write how it feels for you below.
Okay, so I really want you to know that I totally validate that at the start of your narcissistic abuse recovery journey there are lots of triggers to address.
Initially, there is a lot of work to do to release and reprogram your Inner Being from intense toxic trauma that is making it difficult for you to function. This is why having an effective tool to be able to meet, hold, load up, release and replace your triggers certainly makes it so much easier.
If everything that I’ve talked about today resonates deeply with you, you can get your true healing journey started by clicking this link.
So, I hope this video made sense to you, regarding a new, empowering and radically transformative way to work with your triggers, and please share with the people who you know it could help.
As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.