Thriver Talk Special : Thriver Talk With Kristy
Many people in our wonderful community are still hurting at the hands of an abuser.
You may be one of these people.
Wondering how on earth you are going to get out safely, survive this and rebuild your life.
When … so often, the viciousness escalates.
If you have been going through years – even decades – of unspeakable abuse, or if the abuse has become dangerous, and possibly life-threatening, my heart goes out to you …. so much.
I’ve been there. I know what this is like.
I want you to know – you are not alone.
Today’s Thriver Talk is with an incredible human called Kristy. She went through unspeakable abuse. She was torn down, piece by piece until she was completely broken, controlled and terrorised, and very nearly did not make it.
Kristy’s situation was in the Australian Domestic Violence system countless times.
By the time Kristy finally got out of her 20-year brutally violent relationship, she was so destroyed recovery was deemed impossible.
Today Kristy has zero abuse symptoms, none of her previous diagnoses is fearless about facing her ex in court, lives a life of health and happiness, and is immersed in her soul mission.
Today, I am so happy to share Kristy’s Thriver Talk, a powerful story of courage, triumph, and true transformation after 20 years of SHOCKING narcissistic abuse.
If you are struggling to heal from narcissistic abuse, I hope with all my heart Kristy’s story will inspire you to know that no matter how bad it is for you, or even if you feel like there is no hope, or way to get away or rebuild … that it is not just possible to recover, but to Thrive, EVEN after an experience this terrible.
Join us as we dive into her journey and discover how she escaped it all.
Video Transcript
Mel: Welcome, Dear Community, to a Thriver Talk today I have the beautiful Kristy with me, and her story is absolutely amazing. Kirsty reached out to me and said, I want to share my story with the community.
I’m super excited about this because I know Kristy is going to inspire and help a lot of people when it looks like it’s hopeless and there’s no way out, because this is a big story. So anyway, Kristy, let’s jump into this. We’re just going to start off with you having had a narcissist in your life. And this was a very high-level narcissist.
But first of all, thank you so much for coming on. It’s great to have you.
Kristy: Thank you for having me. I’m really blessed to be here, and I’m so excited about this!
Mel: Same… Okay, so the narcissist in your life was not just any garden variety narcissist. Please describe what the abuse was.
Kristy: The abuse was horrific. All the things it was sexual, physical, mental, emotional, and financial. Everything that could have happened… did happen. It was for a very long period of time. I was in the relationship for 20 years. His main weapon of choice was the children. First was my oldest son, and then I had twins. After reading your programs, that gave me a lot of knowledge around the dynamic in that relationship with the golden child, scapegoat, and then the forgotten child.
I had a long history of domestic abuse…or narcissistic abuse, so by the end of the relationship, I was in a really bad way.
Mel: And the thing is too, as I know from your story, police were involved so many times because you really were a domestic violence victim going through the system with police, and twenty years is a long, long time, and it started early. You were very young when the violence started.
Kristy: Yeah, I was only 19, and I was targeted. I didn’t have much family. My mother passed away when I was younger, my dad wasn’t there, and I ended up in care, which meant I then ended up with core abandonment wounds and was searching for love in all the wrong places. And then, obviously, the narcissist came along and was my knight in shining armour and professed to love me, and nobody else would love me, and that just filled all of those gaps. So, I was easily manipulated, young, no guidance, not much family, and not a lot of experience.
Mel: And then things get added to that, and exactly that is your whole identity, being a mum and stuff like that. The breakdown. Okay, so how did you leave him? I mean, I know how you left him, and it’s pretty dramatic.
Kristy: Yeah, so at the very end of it, I was completely suicidal. I was in a really bad way, I couldn’t function, I couldn’t think properly. I was suffering horrendously, and I just couldn’t, I couldn’t do it anymore Melanie, and he attacked me so violently one night, and my son had to step in and stop him from killing me. And that was it, it was either that or I was going to die. So, I ended up fleeing in the middle of the night and I ended up…this is in Sydney New South Wales, in Wyong mental health unit. And that’s how I eventually got out of the domestic violence. Through the mental health system.
Mel: And the diagnoses… let’s talk about those that you were given.
Kristy: So, I was given CPTSD, situational psychosis, disassociation, depression, and anxiety. I also had a cognitive impairment which affected my reading and writing, and I had a stutter, yep…thats enough. Thats a lot, I was in a really bad way.
Mel: Yeah, yeah, physically, mentally, emotionally, it’s as bad as it gets. So, how long ago were you in that place?
Kristy: I was in Wyong Mental Health Unit 4 and a half years ago, and I was told by the doctors that I would be on disability benefits for the rest of my life with the severity of my trauma because the abuse was so severe.
Mel: Well, look at you now!
Kristy: And I’m not on disability benefits!
Mel: You’re beautiful, you’re glowing! Later in this interview, we’ll share because Kristy is living her dharma. She is out there in the world!
Wait until you hear…It is just so inspirational, but obviously we had…you know..A to B, we had you half dead, or probably 90 percent dead, and now today…so the healing journey…what happened?…How?
Kristy: So obviously, when I got out of mental health, I had to take medication to stabilise my brain because I was in such a bad way. But what that enabled me to do was be able to…well actually, I will start in how I came across your amazing programs… it was definitely guided, like, I landed with you at the exact right time I needed it, and from that moment when I downloaded NARP and I just think it’s important that I say this: when I fled, I fled with nothing, so I didn’t have a home…you know, I fled with nothing like most survivors do. But your programs were affordable enough, I was just getting…I obviously couldn’t work at that time, but I needed your programs, and it was affordable enough for me to be able to …and I think that’s a key component because financial abuse is a big component of narcissistic abuse.
Mel: It always is…
Kristy: Yeah, so the fact that I had access to your programs and the somatic healings changed my life.
Mel: So how did…ok…alright…so the brain damage is now healed ah huh…because my brain damage healed too with Quantum Freedom Healing, so did you target the brain damage…like directly…or did you just keep releasing what arose with triggers? How did you do the Quantum Freedom Healing Journey to heal from the inside out…how did you do it?
Kristy: Yeah…this is fairly important because the tools are there for everyone’s journeys, different for what traumas they have to target. For me in the beginning, I was that horrifically full of trauma it was just clearing anything and all out just clearing, clearing, clearing. I worked diligently and am very proud of myself because I put the work in.
Mel: And that is so key… because people like you with the massive turnaround, and people like me, it’s because we put that inner work in absolutely.
Kristy: I just had complete faith that I was where I needed to be, doing what I needed to do to get me to where I am now. And as the journey went on in my healing, obviously, then the universe would provide different things, and I would have different challenges. And then I’d target key things as my healing journey went along, particularly with the smear campaign. Oh, God! I just can’t even tell you how bad it is. Of course.
Mel: For malignant narcissists it’s another level, and my ex was similar to this too. Right… we’ve got similar journeys…yeah..the smear campaigns are something else. And listeners know they’ve gone through this, too.
Kristy: Its next level…
Mel: And people out there know…they know…they’ve gone through this..
Kristy: Its horrific, I dont think…if you haven’t walked it, I can’t even describe how horrific it is…
Mel: There is no way you could, and there is no way you could be prepared for it because it is unthinkable!
Kristy: Its unthinkable! Yeah, he was literally the victim, and I was the villain, and the smearing went on for so many years that I didn’t even know it was going on. By the time it came to light, I was the drug addict, I was the abuser, I was all the things, so it is so difficult to identify what you’re not only just feeling from the abuse from a narcissist but that you also fighting for your life to survive against a community of people and its…yep…it’s a hard journey, and if I didn’t have your modules, if I didn’t have someone that understood what I was going through, just one person … that makes me a bit teary. I don’t think I would have survived without you, Melanie. I wouldn’t have survived without you and your program and the healing. I wouldn’t be here today.
Mel: Oh, Kristy, were you in the NARP Forums…did you?
Kristy: I didn’t so much, obviously I was a Gold Member, I was just healing and healing and healing, and I can’t tell you how many times I have done your courses, like I would constantly go back and re-read things and it’s like gold in a book. How come we’re not taught these things?
Mel: I know. And we’re not. And then, even when you get into the psychology, it’s like a whole deeper level again that’s going on, cause. I studied all the counselling and psychology, but it wasn’t until this journey of the inside-out somatic journey that I was like, “Oh, my God! Now it makes sense…like it really makes sense”.
Thats awesome…you put the work in, and you know, that thing you were saying about the smearing…that’s the persecution programs that are so…you know…its such a hum…a normal human skirmish that we have, but if we’ve got it, we are really susceptible to narcissistic abuse and its sureing up all that stuff.
So, okay, trauma symptoms, you had them through the roof…right… you had the C-PTSD…Okay, so how’s all that now?
Kristy: I am better than … like, how to describe? I’m better than obviously before I even… before abuse. But I’m even better than that. Because now I’m going to other people and doing all these amazing things. But I think, also I want to touch on this…when my brain started healing and I started getting control of my triggers, and then I had the knowledge behind it as well which your programs provided me with, I started being able to communicate clearly, particularly with police, and keeping myself grounded collating my information, not reacting, targeting my triggers, doing all the things that you teach in your program and feelings and things started to shift for me.
Mel: Because he got brought to justice, yeah
Kristy: Yeah… It’s phenomenal. Yeah, like me and my best friends we just go “What?”…
Mel: Walk us through a bit of that, because this is important.
Kristy: So I obviously had a massive journey with police because he was so violent. And while I was in that heavy trauma, and he was smearing, he kept getting away with it.
Mel: And when we are in trauma, they do, until it shifts…yep
Kristy: And then they don’t. Exactly…So, by me shifting and coming into my power and being able to stay calm and grounded, not reacting, collating my information, getting rid of the persecution programs, also getting rid of…I think 5 and 7…the fear was a big one and then the injustice was so stuck because I was in so much pain, from the injustice…
Mel: Of course…its horrific!
Kristy: So, once I cleared that out, that’s how things started to turn around. I was getting the right police, I ended up with amazing detectives who supported me beyond measure, I ended up with the right domestic violence services. I ended up in the right courts…I ended up…just everything started to fall into place, and it is so true. I heard you when you said, “it’s an inside out job. Just keep healing. Just keep healing.” And I did.
Mel: And you know, sadly, Kristy, so many people have the experiences in often broken systems. They get the wrong police, they get the wrong courtroom, the wrong judge and they get the wrong solicitor even narcissistic solicitors. That is absolutely everybody’s experience until they understand Quantum Law – so within, so without.
When we’re vibrating in horrific narcissistic abuse, trauma, then everything you’re connecting to is only going to traumatize you more.
Kristy: Exactly.
Mel: And this is what is hard to teach people that this is a spiritual battle. It’s not a practical battle, and no thinking and doing is going to get you through this. It’s the Being-ness that has to shift frequency, and then you win the war.
What happened to him?
Kristy: We’re still in court, trial coming up unfortunately after May, there was a second victim to the assault. So, there’s additional charge for her. But he’s on strict conditions for bail, and I’m thriving and I’ve cleared all my fear on it, and I’ve handed it over. And it’s all just going to work out how it should work out. In the meantime, all I do is focus on myself my healing, my journey, and now my mission in order to help others. So, the justice did and is still coming, but regardless, I’ve won, regardless I’ve won, because I’m now the best version of myself I have ever been.
Mel: This is the whole point. This is…you know…I could talk for 3 hours on the stuff that you just said…you know…unpack it, but it is all there in what you just said. Because in the trauma we’re waiting for something on the outside to change to get us untraumatised, and it never comes, and it never works. But this way it actually usually does come, when you dont need it, because you’re already liberated into your best self.
Kristy: I am, and I’m completely at peace. and I wake up each day, and I’m happy. Was the journey tough? Of course, it was because I had so much trauma. But I have to keep saying this…I dedicated myself to my healing because I was worth that. I was worth being pain free. I wanted to break the intergenerational traumas. I didn’t want this cycle to continue on. I wanted to be that cycle breaker, and I knew that I deserve to have a beautiful life and be pain free, as does everybody. And unfortunately, when I would read your programs, I’m like, why don’t they teach this stuff? I was so codependent, I didn’t know boundaries…I…urgh
Mel: When were any of us taught this…unless you had a parent that actually had that stuff down pat…and modelled it, and they didn’t, you know, it’s so rare to find somebody who’s got natural self-worth and self-value and good boundary function. And certainly, for all of us in this community…we just did not have that!
Kristy: No…yep… I was highly co-dependant, when I was reading your…I was..oh my God…but I guess it mpaigns to a certain degree, other than your own healing and taking care of self. You can’t control them. And you, if you stay focused on them and not self then you’re not liberating yourself. You’re not coming home to yourself. You’re not loving yourself and filling yourself up with all of those things that you deserve. and I think that’s the essence of it. It’s coming home to self.
Mel: I love it when you rise vibrationally above abuse by taking your soul, your spirit, and everything back the way it was always meant to be. When you overcome that level of fear and break down, you become pretty fearless in the world.
And people will tell you contemporary things, such as I heard in my breakdown. You will never going to be the same again. You will always have diminished trust in yourself and life and others. I was told I would need 3 anti-psychotics for the rest of my life because my brain broke so badly. We are told “This is the best you can expect after what happened to you”, whereas
the best is yet to come.
Kristy: It’s not the truth. And I think when I was guided and landed on your program and all your teachings, I watched every single one of your videos religiously, like I was just hooked because my soul knew that that’s what I needed, and I didn’t conform to being told that I was always going to be that way.
I was always going to be on medication, and it wasn’t long after I started your NARP program I was able to stop taking medication. I needed medication initially to level me out, but then as soon as I started my healings the trauma really shifted quite quickly. And it’s a big difference between medicating symptoms trying to numb out symptoms or actually releasing and healing at the core. The work you do is invaluable. And I knew with my soul, soon as I landed on it, that this was my key. This was my way out, or my journey back to myself. This was it. And I prepared to commit to do whatever it took.
Mel: before you came forward, and asked to share your story, I’d never meet you because I didn’t see you in the Forum. I love that there are lives and souls being saved that I don’t even know about! And what I’m super-duper excited about with you Kristy is you are making a big difference in the world now.
I want everybody to know this, our biggest breakdowns and stuff that has hurt us, and the stuff we need to learn and heal the most, is usually the stuff we will share with the world.
Not as an unhealed person. There is too many people doing that. “I’m really unhealed, and I’m still toxified. And I’m trying to help others.” Kind of like, an aeroplane where they put oxygen masks on people, but haven’t put it on themselves first.
What are you doing? Let’s share with the community what you’re up to.
Kristy: I just I just wanted to say one other thing with the healings, because I think this is good information. I put the oxygen mask for myself, but that in turn helped me be more solid for my children. So us mama bears are so, you know … that was my drive to be my best self for myself and for my children, and it made me better. I was able to stay calm, clear, supportive, show up differently. I was no longer a parent coming from abuse. This gave me the ability to be what I always wanted to be.
For my children it’s a thousand times better than what we were. But in terms of what I’m doing now is I’m advocating. I work closely with the police and our departments of communities and justice. I tell my story at many events to inspire people to be able to heal and come back to themselves. I change mindset by education, education within different spaces on trauma recovery, and the fact that we can heal, because there is a belief in services that we can’t heal.
It’s so crazy. Standing here, I’m living proof. I’m trying to raise as much as awareness. As I can, that we can heal and recover even better than before abuse, and I also do some coaching on the side to support victims from domestic abuse in different services with trauma recovery as well.
And I just spoke at Parliament this morning, Sydney. So, I’m out there. I help bring normalisations to the discussions about abuse. Having been given a voice, I also run some panel discussions with victim survivors so that they can share their stories. We’re not hiding in the shadows in shame, but bringing their voices out to the community. So, I also do that.
Mel: That’s fantastic, Kristy. Where can people find you so that you can help support.
Kristy: My Facebook Page is Kristy Drower, and Instagram – Kristydrower_
That’s where people can find me.
I just really want to say, and I know we’ve touched on it. But the knowledge in your Program is invaluable. It really is. And when I say they should be teaching this stuff, they should be and I really want to advocate for that, because living your life from a codependent self is always handing your power away, instead of being empowered. And soon as I could make that shift and start implementing some of your teachings in, it changed my life. It really changed my life, and I can’t. I just can’t say enough how blessed my life is now just from landing in the right space at the right time, and how invaluable what you do is for the community.
There’s nothing out there like this.. Obviously, there’s other people out there. But it’s not like you, Melanie.
Mel: Thank you. Thank you.
Kristy: I’ve got it all. I’ve even got in Empowered Self Course and the Family of Origin Course, I’ve got it all
And the Speedy Shifts are great for me. Now that I’m so busy with enjoying my life and doing many things. They are great in the morning. If anything comes up for me, I’ve got something quick and easy to access, and it’s a fast shift. I find them really, really useful. And then, if I’ve got something deeper that pops up, then I can do a full clearing. There’s just so many different options within your course. They all work
They fit whatever works for you, whatever your targeting, whatever trauma. Now I’m like so advanced using your healing. I just know where to go. I know what I’m doing, and I just pick up what I need and just get straight to it. And I feel instant relief. It’s phenomenal.
Coming from where I’ve come from, that I could be where I am right now, and I’m eternally grateful. And I was saying, Melanie, before I did this interview, I was telling everyone I’m going to make my idol. I’m just so thankful.
Mel: Well, we’re all in this together, and I’m just so thrilled that people like you and I are on this journey. I know I wouldn’t have survived if I hadn’t have found tools to shift, There’s no way. And what I love is, you’re on your dharma. What happened is exactly what catapulted you into your life’s mission. You are on song with your life’s work. Our greatest tragedies become a most incredible triumph if we shift them, if we do the inner work.
Kristy: It’s a key component when you learn that you don’t actually have to hold on to the trauma. You don’t actually have to keep it. I would love to show before and after photos of what I was like when I got out of mental health to now. My physical, the internal, that everything is completely different about me, and that is from shifting out that trauma.
Mel: And I think we’ve got them. If you’re happy to share, we will share that, because that’s amazing.
Mel: Kristy, do you have an last words of wisdom before we end this amazing interview.
Kristy: Keep Healing. the answer is in you just keep healing. I also want to recognise that it’s a hard journey, there were breakdowns, and I was in a lot of horrific pain. But just keep healing. That’s my message.
Mel: Kristy, thank you so much for coming on, and your generosity sharing your time with us, and I hope everybody that you really enjoyed this Thriver Talk, and we hope that it gives you inspiration to know that narcissistic abuse is not a life sentence. It’s not a death sentence. It’s not a soul sentence. There’s an incredible life awaiting on the other side.
Conclusion
It was such a joy to interview Kristy Dower, an amazing lady, who shared her passion and aspiration to help people recover from trauma. Kristy’s dedication and commitment to abuse victims is truly inspiring, and she is having such a positive impact on the world!
Kristy’s words touched my heart, and I am sure she will do the same for anyone who connects with her. Kristy is a shining example of what it means to be of service and make a difference in this world. If you want to learn more about Kristy and her work, please feel free to connect with her on Facebook or Instagram.
If you too would like to start your healing journey of terrible trauma to miraculous freedom, just like Kristy did, we would love to welcome you into our incredible Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program Community.
I look forward to your questions and comments below.